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It
was
Lillian
’
s
austerity
that
attracted
him
—
the
conflict
between
her
austerity
and
her
behavior
.
He
had
never
liked
anyone
or
expected
to
be
liked
.
He
found
himself
held
by
the
spectacle
of
a
woman
who
was
obviously
pursuing
him
but
with
obvious
reluctance
,
as
if
against
her
own
will
,
as
if
fighting
a
desire
she
resented
.
It
was
she
who
planned
that
they
should
meet
,
then
faced
him
coldly
,
as
if
not
caring
that
he
knew
it
.
She
spoke
little
;
she
had
an
air
of
mystery
that
seemed
to
tell
him
he
would
never
break
through
her
proud
detachment
,
and
an
air
of
amusement
,
mocking
her
own
desire
and
his
.
He
had
not
known
many
women
.
He
had
moved
toward
his
goal
,
sweeping
aside
everything
that
did
not
pertain
to
it
in
the
world
and
in
himself
.
His
dedication
to
his
work
was
like
one
of
the
fires
he
dealt
with
,
a
fire
that
burned
every
lesser
element
,
every
impurity
out
of
the
white
stream
of
a
single
metal
.
He
was
incapable
of
halfway
concerns
.
But
there
were
times
when
he
felt
a
sudden
access
of
desire
,
so
violent
that
it
could
not
be
given
to
a
casual
encounter
.
He
had
surrendered
to
it
,
on
a
few
rare
occasions
through
the
years
,
with
women
he
had
thought
he
liked
.
He
had
been
left
feeling
an
angry
emptiness
—
because
he
had
sought
an
act
of
triumph
,
though
he
had
not
known
of
what
nature
,
but
the
response
he
received
was
only
a
woman
’
s
acceptance
of
a
casual
pleasure
,
and
he
knew
too
clearly
that
what
he
had
won
had
no
meaning
.
He
was
left
,
not
with
a
sense
of
attainment
,
but
with
a
sense
of
his
own
degradation
.
He
grew
to
hate
his
desire
.
He
fought
it
.
He
came
to
believe
the
doctrine
that
this
desire
was
wholly
physical
,
a
desire
,
not
of
consciousness
,
but
of
matter
,
and
he
rebelled
against
the
thought
that
his
flesh
could
be
free
to
choose
and
that
its
choice
was
impervious
to
the
will
of
his
mind
.
He
had
spent
his
life
in
mines
and
mills
,
shaping
matter
to
his
wishes
by
the
power
of
his
brain
—
and
he
found
it
intolerable
that
he
should
be
unable
to
control
the
matter
of
his
own
body
.
He
fought
it
.
He
had
won
his
every
battle
against
inanimate
nature
;
but
this
was
a
battle
he
lost
.
It
was
the
difficulty
of
the
conquest
that
made
him
want
Lillian
.
She
seemed
to
be
a
woman
who
expected
and
deserved
a
pedestal
;
this
made
him
want
to
drag
her
down
to
his
bed
.
To
drag
her
down
,
were
the
words
in
his
mind
;
they
gave
him
a
dark
pleasure
,
the
sense
of
a
victory
worth
winning
.
He
could
not
understand
why
—
he
thought
it
was
an
obscene
conflict
,
the
sign
of
some
secret
depravity
within
him
—
why
he
felt
,
at
the
same
time
,
a
profound
pride
at
the
thought
of
granting
to
a
woman
the
title
of
his
wife
.
The
feeling
was
solemn
and
shining
;
it
was
almost
as
if
he
felt
that
he
wished
to
honor
a
woman
by
the
act
of
possessing
her
.
Lillian
seemed
to
fit
the
image
he
had
not
known
he
held
,
had
not
known
he
wished
to
find
;
he
saw
the
grace
,
the
pride
,
the
purity
;
the
rest
was
in
himself
;
he
did
not
know
that
he
was
looking
at
a
reflection
.
He
remembered
the
day
when
Lillian
came
from
New
York
to
his
office
,
of
her
own
sudden
choice
,
and
asked
him
to
take
her
through
his
mills
.
He
heard
a
soft
,
low
,
breathless
tone
—
the
tone
of
admiration
—
growing
in
her
voice
,
as
she
questioned
him
about
his
work
and
looked
at
the
place
around
her
.
He
looked
at
her
graceful
figure
moving
against
the
bursts
of
furnace
flame
,
and
at
the
light
,
swift
steps
of
her
high
heels
stumbling
through
drifts
of
slag
,
as
she
walked
resolutely
by
his
side
.
The
look
in
her
eyes
,
when
she
watched
a
heat
of
steel
being
poured
,
was
like
his
own
feeling
for
it
made
visible
to
him
.
When
her
eyes
moved
up
to
his
face
,
he
saw
the
same
look
,
but
intensified
to
a
degree
that
seemed
to
make
her
helpless
and
silent
.
It
was
at
dinner
,
that
evening
,
that
he
asked
her
to
marry
him
.
It
took
him
some
time
after
his
marriage
before
he
admitted
to
himself
that
this
was
torture
.
He
still
remembered
the
night
when
he
admitted
it
,
when
he
told
himself
—
the
veins
of
his
wrists
pulled
tight
as
he
stood
by
the
bed
,
looking
down
at
Lillian
—
that
he
deserved
the
torture
and
that
he
would
endure
it
.
Lillian
was
not
looking
at
him
;
she
was
adjusting
her
hair
.
"
May
I
go
to
sleep
now
?
"
she
asked
.
She
had
never
objected
;
she
had
never
refused
him
anything
;
.
she
submitted
whenever
he
wished
.
She
submitted
in
the
manner
of
complying
with
the
rule
that
it
was
,
at
times
,
her
duty
to
become
an
inanimate
object
turned
over
to
her
husband
’
s
use
.
